Al Sharpton Just Trying To Make Some Friends
This past Thursday morning, the Reverend Al Sharpton met with the CEO of Target, Brian Cornell. Nekima Levy Armstrong, who is one of many Minnesota activists who’s called for a boycott of the Minneapolis-based company in the face of their decision to eliminate DEI initiatives, said, “It’s unclear to us as Twin Cities organizers why Target CEO Brian Cornell would call for a meeting with the Reverend Al Sharpton given the fact that Sharpton has absolutely zero involvement in the Target boycott.” To which the Reverend Al Sharpton replied, “What boycott?”.
“No need to worry, Nekima, I do not know what your boycott is, nor do I care. I was just going to see my buddy.”
Sharpton is also reported to have met with PepsiCo CEO’s Ramon Laguarta and Steven Williams this past Tuesday. Earlier this month, Sharpton gave PepsiCo three weeks to meet with him—threatening a boycott if they did not. However, Sharpton has assured us that, again, this had nothing to do with DEI.
“Boycott? Oh, no. That was just brotherly banter. You know, like, ‘Boy, if we don’t hang out in the next three weeks I’ma boycott you! Haha.”
When reached for comment, though, both Target CEO Brian Cornell and PepsiCo CEO’s have denied that Sharpton is their “buddy” or “brother”. In an official statement, Laguarta writes,
“He keeps, like, texting me. I’ll leave him on delivered and then I’ll see him in person and he’ll be like, ‘You left me on delivered!’ Then, I’ll be like, ‘Oh, sorry, I didn’t see that,’ and then I’ll give a made-up excuse as to why, to which he’ll repeatedly poke holes in the lie.”
Cornell says, ”Last week, I was outside waiting for an Uber. And then, out of nowhere, he snuck up on me and said, ‘Boo!’. I had to laugh it off and act like my fear wasn’t genuine.”
“When I ignore him he posts “Deactivating,” on his Instagram story, and then five minutes later posts a picture of him wearing Jordan 13’s with a Roddy Ricch song playing in the back,” says Laguarta.
In the wake of their response, though, and after hearing that they have weekly meetings, Sharpton has offered to join Armstrong and the Minnesota activists. “Yeah, yeah, sure I’ll help with the boycott and stuff. But, after the meetings, do you guys ever, like, grab drinks and laugh about how crazy it is to be alive?”