I Am A Creative Director

I am a creative director.

I’m kind of like if Patti Smith had a trust fund.

When you inquire as to how I make money, I’m going to use words that you are very familiar with, and then put them together in ways that leave you unsure of what I just said. For example: I piece together shapes and visuals to create a blueprint.

If I really like your vibe, though, I might just reply with a slogan that sounds like it makes sense, but doesn’t. Like, “be your own muse.”

I just designed a t-shirt with my phone number on it. I walk around the city with it on. Whoever calls, I pick up, and tell them they’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

I know 1,973 ways to avoid the question, “How do you make money?”. Why 1,973, you might ask? That’s the year Pharrell Williams was born. Silly.

Of course I go to NYU. I didn’t even have to apply. The director of admissions for Tisch just kept emailing me saying he needed to reach his quota of weird kids from LA who will remain eternally twenty-four, in Manhattan, and on ketamine.

I replied, “K.”

I have 2,346 followers on Instagram. 2,344 of them? That’s how many supermodels are in NYC. The other two are Tyrell Hampton, and your fourth favorite musician. If you don’t think you have a fourth favorite musician, you do. You’ll realize it when you check my Instagram. My username is the dumbest shit you could ever imagine.

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