NFL Owner Apologizes for Calling Buck-Breaking Ceremony, "The NFL Draft"

AMERICA— This past Sunday, the owner of an NFL team publicly apologized for accidentally calling buck-breaking ceremony, “the NFL draft.” He claims that it was an honest, and, in fact, common mistake.

He says, “every year, during the offseason, actually, a little bit before the preseason starts up, millions of people around the world make this exact same mistake.”

“It’s maybe the biggest misconception in all of professional football. I don’t know where this ‘NFL Draft’ stuff even came from. It’s always been the buck-breaking ceremony. At least, that’s what me and all my friends have always called it.”

When asked about what he looks forward to most at the ceremony this year, because those are the types of questions we became journalists for, he replied that he was most excited for the “poverty-off”.

"This year our team is really trying to build itself around the poorest, Blackest players we can find. There’s just something so satisfying, sexually, about rescuing a kid from deep economic disparity so that he can go mentally handicap himself for the entertainment of millions of Americans who view him as nothing but an empty vessel of which to project their innermost desires, insecurities, fears, and fantasies on.”

Go Bears.

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