Under Full Moon Shannon Sharpe Morphs Into Freaky Deeky Mutant Bugaboo Cacodemon Sex Lizard

LOS ANGELES, CA— This past Tuesday night, former professional football player and current disgraced independent journalist Shannon Sharpe underwent a strange transformation when a full moon graced Los Angeles. According to reports from eyewitnesses, as the light from the full moon broke across the horizon, Sharpe’s pupils dilated intensely. His skin turned a strange, smooth green. And his penis became his tongue, which then became forked. A scent of blood permeated the air, agitating and exciting Sharpe. He followed it maniacally, muttering to himself—quiet enough to be creepy, but just loud enough to be heard—"Miss B. Nasty, Miss B. Nasty, Miss B. Nasty, mmm, mmm, mmm,” over and over, until it became an incantation of sorts.

His scaly tongue wiggled wildly in the night sky. Sounds rushed past it. Sounds which sounded like, “I want some PUSSAAAAAYYYY! YEAAAAA! I’MA FREAKY ASS NIGGA! YEAAAA!” It was a sight to behold, and fear. According to eyewitnesses.

In reaction to Sharpe’s maniacal, amphibious state, bystanders reportedly called the authorities. Upon hearing this though, Sharpe spun around over and over again for a really long time, before suddenly taking flight into the nearby woods. “My LinkTree senses are tingling,” he is reported to have said, before disappearing into the night.

Written by: Saheim Patrick

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