I Don't Like It When A Nigga Dap Me Up And He Got Wet Hands

OPINION: I don’t like it when a nigga dap me up and he got wet hands. Why are they wet? And you know them shits is wet. So why would you touch my hand? Why are they wet? Is it water? What liquid is on your hands? Deadass, bro. I’m not playing with you. And then when you address it, they act like they don’t know what the fuck you talking about. Nigga, how don’t you know your hands are wet? Feel them, nigga. You knew they was wet the moment that they got wet. You know why? Because you have the sensation of touch. You know how I know that? Because I got hands too, nigga. We all got fucking hands. Niggas with wet hands think they the only niggas in the world who got hands. They think they can gaslight everyone into forgetting about the sensation of touch. “I didn’t even know they was wet, bruh.” “I don’t know how they got wet.” Negro, you think my hands ain’t never been wet in my life? Now the nigga tryna get philosophical with it. Talkin’ bout, “How would you remember the times that you had wet hands, but didn’t know?” Niggas with wet hands always tryna get existential with it. Grimy sweaty slimy wet ass niggas looking for any way they can get out of the predicament they in. Nigga don’t know I be reading Sartre, too. Nigga tryna get solipsistic and skeptical. Niggas with wet hands loooooveeee the tabula rasa. How about you love a towel? Dirty nigga. You quoting Socrates and yo’ booty stank. We can speak conceptually when you get that booger out yo’ nose. That’s how I feel. Hoteps always got bad hygiene. Always talkin’ bout revolution, but you ain’t brushed yo’ teeth. How we gon’ capture the State and yo’ booty stank? Huh? Wet hand ass nigga.